I woke up this morning with a master-plan to hang out with my best friend. I flaked out on him last night because I know when we hang out, there will be much drinking, but after a week of solid smashed-ness, I got really tired of my liver whining and quivering in fear whenever I mentioned “Going out.” So I called him at noon, thinking that would be a decent time to call someone on their day off.
Brian: This is Brian.
Me: Hey what are you up to this lovely morning…erm, afternoon.
Me: Awww, your team is working today?
Brian: Yeah, our team and one other team are here today.
Me: Aw, that sucks so bad. I wanted to see if you wanted to get some lunch and maybe a movie.
Brian: Yeah, nope, I’m stuck at work.
Me: Dang it, and I was hoping we could look at some road bikes that you’ve been talking about and maybe go for a walk in the park too.
Brian: Thanks for telling me about more stuff that I’m missing out on.
Me: Yes, well, I’m just doing my part to make sure you feel crappy about your life.
Brian: You’re doing a great job.
Me: This is my new approach to feeling great about my life, it’s to make sure everyone else feels crappy about theirs.
There you have it. I’m having a great day already. I should give myself the rest of the day off and maybe reward myself with an ice cream cone, but maybe if I stop to push an old lady over, I can upgrade to a brownie sundae.