Waistline

I consider myself a snarky person where my cup forever runneth over with wise-cracks galore. My buddy, Jesse calls me a “Ball-buster” because most of my wise-cracks are targeted toward the guys – but it’s only because I know they tend to take it better. My buddy, Charlie and I tend to get into these crazy text message wars and one night while I was in the middle of composing some old post, we got into a discussion of my wise-ass ways:

C: Why are you up so late?

Me: Oh, just doing a bit of writing.

C: Oh, what are you writing.

Me: Just my blog for writing exercise.

C: Boring!

C: Just kidding.

Me: Actually, this last post was kind of boring. I was just writing about how I was out with my buddy, (referring to him) played pool…kicked his ass. Went bowling…kicked his ass. See. Boring.

C: What a loser. He shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce.

Me: Yeah, but I wouldn’t say that to his face.

C: That was your opportunity to say something nice, wanker.

Me: Saying something nice gives me indigestion. It could kill me.

C: Wankers never die, tis true. They live forever feeding off the pain of others.

***At this point, I was laughing my ass off at his emo reply and willing the let the chain die.***

C: Is that all you got?

Me: What? No, I got caught up in celebrating my newfound immortality. I can insult you another day.

C: Eat shit and die.

Me: I love you too.

C: ;-)

The man’s got a point…bad guys never die. I want to play the bad guy.

I’ve been a bit cranky lately and by a bit cranky, I mean my company is not fit for human consumption. I met up with some friends at a bar named Shorties last night and left early for this very reason. Most days when I say something like, “You’re a fat-ass,” to my friends, I really mean, “I love you and I’m so glad you’re my friend. Forgive my obvious lack of social intelligence.” When I’m cranky and I say, “You’re fat,” I mean, “Here’s a knife why don’t you cut your face off so that I don’t have to see it anymore.” See. Just a tad cranky.

I did the proper thing this morning; I dragged my cranky ass over to see my favorite therapist, Mount Si. It’s rained during the entire hike but that only served to better improve my mood because rain means snow on the slopes. Damn, it was a good hike.

Oh, hi there, my dear friend! I just went hiking and I was all alone on the trail for many hours. It rained on me the whole time. I’ve missed you! Let us never spend a moment apart from each other…wait…did you gain some weight? It appears your waistline have expanded by an inch or ten.

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